The biggest single inaccurate idea that we are socialized to believe is that “time heals all wounds.” Time does not heal, but there are specific actions you can take to help you discover and complete unfinished emotional business. When can you begin to discover and complete all of the things that you wish had ended “different, better or more,” and all of the broken “hopes, dreams, and expectations” about the future? The answer is immediately.
It’s in the time immediately following a loss (divorce included) that our memories of that relationship are most vivid and accurate. Even through the perceived “numbness” that accompanies grief there is easy and instant access to both finished and unfinished business in the relationship.
Waiting to do grief work is potentially dangerous. Most likely you know that grievers tend to create larger than life memory pictures in which they either “enshrine or bedevil” the person who died. This phenomenon increases with time, making it more difficult to discover and complete the “truth” within the relationship.