10 Aug Are You Enabling Someone You Love?
“DON’T ROB SOMEONE OF THEIR PAIN.”
We all have people in our lives we love and care about. They may be family members, friends, spouses, even co-workers. We enjoy having them in our lives and are so happy to share times of joy, excitement, and fun with them. There are those times though that we are there to witness these same people go through difficult and challenging times. Because we care for these people in our lives, it can be very difficult for us to watch them struggle and experience turmoil as they deal with life on life’s terms. We want to jump in and save them all in the interest of sparing them pain.
There are many drawbacks to trying to keep someone from experiencing pain in their lives. First of all, if you are a human being living on this earth, pain, in some way, shape, or form is inevitable. If we are experiencing physical pain, it is often an indication that something may be wrong with our bodies and that we should investigate further. The same goes for emotional pain. If someone is experiencing emotional pain in their lives, it may be a signal that something should be looked at, addressed and possibly healed. Maybe they are heading down the wrong path and are experiencing discomfort as a result of doing so. Maybe they are needlessly suffering in an unhealthy relationship and are afraid to make a move to get themselves out of it. Maybe they are lacking in acceptance around a situation. They are continuously trying to force their own self will in a situation and as a result, are not experiencing peace and serenity. The truth is, any one of these situations can and should lead to some sort of pain. The pain is a direct result of someone who is probably living out of alignment with their best and highest good. It is not a punishment. It is a consequence and there is a difference.
It has been said that pain is the touchstone of growth. If we are constantly running into a situation and attempting to fix or spare someone of pain, we are robbing them of a chance to possibly hit a necessary emotional bottom thereby preventing them from true growth in that area.
We may also be tempted to pray for others in a way that again, is asking for someone’s pain to be taken from them and lifted. This is a tempting practice for some of us who practice regular prayer. In this case we should be careful to not “Play God” in people’s lives in this way, thinking we know what is best in any given situation while we are just seeing things from one perspective. Sending love and light someone’s way who is struggling can be very beneficial but we should be cautious on praying specifically for particular outcomes in this way.
It can be very difficult to see people we love and care about in pain, for we would hardly be human if we didn’t. Offering comfort to someone who is struggling is loving and kind and can be as beneficial for the comforter as for the one being comforted. A hug, a listening ear, some kind and supportive words are some of the ways we can show up for people we love when they are hurting but me must be careful not to try and fix, save or rescue someone. Just remember that in your own life you have seen that all too often, pain had to come before growth, discontentment had to come before peace, and surrender had to come before freedom. If we want others to experience growth, peace, and happiness, we cannot and must not rob them of their pain.
Gwen Uss
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